Hit and Miss Microsoft

Today on Adage.com there was a good article showing the new advertising Microsoft is coming out with for Internet Explorer 8. I have to admit the advertising for bing.com kind of drove me nuts. You know, the ones where people are talking and then all of a sudden fall into a weird narcoleptic daze where instead of falling asleep they start spouting out nonsense blaming it on search overload. Exactly what is search overload by the way, and does it really need to be cured? Isn't that what the advanced feature is on search engines if for anyway?

Well Microsoft has now come out with these gems, which is funny because how they have them listed in the article is what I believe to be how they go in quality. They go from good, to ok, to "my gosh nobody ever needs to see that".

S.H.Y.N.E.S.S. - Internet Explorer 8

I have to admit I like Dean Cain simply because he is half Japanese like me, but still I liked this commercial. The mockery of a lawyer commercial, as made famous by Bob Loblaw on Arrested Development, is a good touch and how can anyone hate funny pictures of cats? Also it shows an actual useful feature of being able to send stuff to friends quickly. Nicely done.


G.R.I.P.E.S. - Internet Explorer 8

Ok, we get it, old people are grumpy and have slow internet speeds on their computers. They really don't know how to use them and constantly tap on the keyboard. A well known stereotype, but having Dean Cain live in the chair of your unaware Grandfather? Ok, whatever, at least it doesn't drive me crazy.


O.M.G.I.G.P. - Internet Explorer 8

Whoever saw this and green lighted it needs to be beaten by an oar. Who in the world ever thought people would enjoy seeing this? My goodness, I can only imagine what was going through the minds of these people:

"You know what people love? Seeing someone puke! Genius! But you know what would make it even better, to have someone slip on said puke and then get puked on not once, but twice! This is advertising gold!"

Oh, but it gets better. What made this person puke was some horrific website left over in the history tab that starts with hairy and is followed by a series of beeps to leave it up to our imagination just how sickly this site was. So pretty much the feature that Microsoft is showing here is the ability to instantly hide any wacky website you might be visiting. This of course makes sense, because I am sure everyone is wondering "how can we capture the ignorant and forgetful pervert market? That is where the money it at!".

This is all too bad because I really liked the first commercial, and then saw this campaign slowly descend to puke jokes and marketing to forgetful perverts. I guess like GoDaddy says, any attention is good attention.

The Glory or Infomercials

Today I came across an article on trutv.com that was hilarious. It shows the 10 greatest (or dumbest depending on your opinion) infomercials of all time. I have to admit I am guilty of watching an infomercial here or there and thinking to myself “I need that! I am sick of constantly burning myself by simply trying to drain pasta!” but some of these have gone overboard. The funny thing is that many of these are probably useful products that some people have interest in, the problem is the way they are marketed make the people who use them look like morons and thus if we buy one we are thus a moron as well. Unfortunately the only way to get these products in the minds of many people is to have these sappy infomercials with your products showing normal problems dramatized to such an extent that it makes you laugh. Truly a great marketing strategy:


The Comfort Wipe

Are you tired of having to wipe your own butt with tissue in your own hand and losing your dignity? I know, disgusting, who would do such a thing. If only there was a device I could put the toilet paper on so I would not have to use my own hand, with an extension of some type that would also turn toilet time into a carnival type game trying to use this wand to wipe my own butt. Finally your product is here.


Egg Genie

I love boiled eggs, but it is just too hard! Having to lug a pot full of water to the stove, and then imagine the nerve of actually having to set a timer or keep track of time to know when the eggs are ready to eat! Insanity I tell you! But there is hope for all us egg lovers out there who can’t keep time, carry over 4lbs or manage to put eggs into a pot full of water without breaking them! The Egg Genie does it all!


Loud N Clear

Are you a sleazy pervert who hates it when you are trying to listen in on conversations you obviously are not invited in on and get caught? If only there was a device out there that made your unwanted and publicly unacceptable ease dropping discreet! You need not worry any more folks!
The funny thing about this product is it is actually a viable tool especially for those who can’t hear, but unfortunately during the infomercial they decide to throw ease droppers and perverts in the target market by showing examples of them in the commercial.


The Thinny Hair Holder

Have you ever looked at the Bride of Frankenstein or Marge Simpson and wondered “how can I get my hair to look like that? Why do they get to have this stylish look and not me?!” And let’s be honest people, the beehive hairdo is more popular than ever! I know we have heard of products that can help us get these stylish hairdos, but only if there was a low quality homemade video showing us how to do this. You need not to fret anymore!


The Kush Support

If I had a nickel for every time I have heard people complain about this problem. Also, I know what you’re thinking, either I could roll up a sock or spend $55 on a product that is essentially the same thing. I mean give me a break, what we would we all do? It even comes with a cool little baggy to hold it in!


Wearable Towel

Is the concept of wrapping a towel around you exhausting? I know, so much work! Do you live in Phoenix and refuse to use the Air Conditioner and have a body frame that cannot support 5 lbs thus making robes to hot and heavy? Is it your dream to have a quick way to constantly wear a toga everywhere you go so you can live up to the stereotype of a frat boy who refuses to grow up thus making you an easy target for public ridicule? Your product has arrived!


Tiddy Bear

After years of trying have you yet to master the complicated exercise of using a seat belt in a car? Has this become such a chore that the only thing that could cheer you up is the face of a cute little bear staring at you from your cleavage? Do you crave the attention of others as they look into your car and say to themselves “What the freak is that think on that ladies chest/shoulder?” The Tiddy Bear is here to solve all your problems!


The Hawaii Chair

Are you one of the millions of people out there who simply can’t sit still and loves the hula-hoop but are too lazy to get up and actually use one? Are you bored at work with the ease of typing and using the phone and need a challenge in your life making these normal everyday activities almost impossible? Your time has arrived.


Uro Club

I know the situation; you need to go to the bathroom but simply cannot go in the trees because of that recurring nightmare of you peeing on an electric fence. We have all been there. And how dare they expect you to actually hold it in on the golf course and use one of the various bathrooms they put out there for your use. If only I had a small container and a privacy flap so I can do my business in front of my friends with no worries, and to tell the truth carrying around my own urine in a container in the hot sun in my golf bag seems like a pretty good idea. Thankfully, the Uro Club is here to solve ALL my problems.

Art of War quote of the week

"If we do not wish to fight, we can prevent the enemy from engaging us even though the lines of our encampment be merely traced out on the ground. All we need do is to throw something odd and unaccountable in his way."

I suppose as a smaller competitor I see the best way to find success is to avoid going on a full frontal attack against one of our bigger competitors. I am sure everyone has heard the term "thinking outside of the box", and that is exactly what this speaks to, throw something "odd and unaccountable in his way". A lot of marketing is white noise nowadays, and especially if you are a smaller competitor you don't have huge marketing budgets so you can't mess around with white noise. If you throw something different out there not only will you attract the attention of your competitors, you might also throw off your bigger competitors who will dismiss your attacks, a win win. Some of the most successful marketing lately that I myself thought was odd and lame and as a competitor would have ignored (like that Whopper freakout) has bee very successful for their company.

Upsetting Marketing needs to stop

I am sorry but when did commercials become a chance to make your audience freak out and become uncomfortable? Since when did commercials try to become 30 second horror movies?

Today I was listening to the radio and one of those Onstar Radio Ads came on the air. I hate these ads that have a real life recording of some poor person who was just in an accident begging for help. Is this what America really wants to hear? Real life human suffering during a time when this person is begging for help? Every time I hear this commercial it doesn't make me think "Geez, I need Onstar!" it makes me think "My gosh, this is uncomfortable. Who would want to listen to this? I need to change the station." I can understand Onstar trying to show everyone the most useful situations for their product, but why did they need to take a real life person suffering and put them on the radio for all of us to hear so we can get uncomfortable. Maybe that is their purpose, make the listener uncomfortable and have them search for comfort by getting Onstar, but I will wager most people out there are just disgusted by hearing a real life person suffering and just change the station or wonder what is Onstar trying to prove by upsetting them.

These radio ads aren't as bad though as the Brinks Alarm Ads or those Volkswagen Ads about the car crashes. Once again, what are you trying to prove? Ok, if there is some sneaky stalker watching us through a window Brinks will help, but do you have to be so dramatic about it. This is going to give people nightmares, and to tell the truth I couldn't even remember what security system this was for. I looked for the video under ADT first. Those Volkswagen commercials as well are horrible. People just hanging out then BLAM! It just makes you cringe so that the next time you see this commercial on TV you quickly change the channel. Also I doubt this is how you want to market your car, seeing Volvo owns this category. Most people who see this commercial and freak out will probably think "I need to get a Volvo so I will be safe."

I understand in marketing that making the consumer uncomfortable, and then offering them comfort through your product is a valid way to advertise. For example the commercials with germs that show by using their product your kids will be safe. That is fine, it makes me uncomfortable to know my kid is crawling with germs, so I go and by something to get rid of it. There has to be a line drawn somewhere though. Making people feel uncomfortable with scenes that belong in horror movies needs to go away. Most people will see the commercial once, and then once that commercial or radio ads comes up again they will simple change the channel. Who really wants to see someone violently break into a house or someone dramatically get hit in a car over and over again? No one, unless they are into that stuff, and if they are, you are not making them uncomfortable. All this marketing does is doing is turning people off and upseting them, and there is a difference between making your customers uncomfortable and upsetting them. Make sure you don't cross that line.

Most uninformative interview ever

I am a huge Raiders fan, but this has to be the most uninformative interview I have ever read. Has any less been said by someone in an interview? It is hilarious.

Here is the interview with Darren McFadden of the Raiders, who managed through 11 questions, to say absolutely NOTHING.

Art of War quote of the day

"Appear at points which the enemy must hasten to defend; march swiftly to places where you are not expected."

Many times Art of War has quotes that just make you sound a lot cooler saying them instead of simply the idea behind it. You could say the above quote, or you could say that you should attack your competition where they aren't expecting you to catch them off guard. I think the above makes you sound much more intelligent.

This is good advice though. Making strategic moves where your competition is not expecting you to go can help you create a good footing in a market thus forcing you competitor to stumble after you and spend much more money to enter the market than you did.

Email Marketing Seminar

Yesterday I attended an Email Marketing Seminar put on by Constant Contact. Most of the room was filled with people who have their own online businesses and was looking for ways to sell their products. I was more interested in a monthly newsletter and how to drive people to look for more information on our company. Regardless it was a helpful seminar that went over a few of the basics of Email Marketing I found helpful:

Always make sure there is text behind any image you use. A lot of email filters kill images so some people could get your email with a big empty nothing and have no idea what is going on.

Always make sure there is a permission reminder (a small part of the email that reminds them how you are contacting them, either that they are a customer of yours or they agreed to it somehow. If not it is just SPAM. Constant Contact has a feature that just puts it in there for you I guess).

Make sure you know what your purpose is. Are you trying to sell something? Are you trying to drive traffic? Are you just trying to stay in the front of their minds?

When you ask people for their contact you should not make it longer than four fields. Probably just name, email and zip code. If you ask for too much people get suspicious and will not give you their info.

The best time to send emails is Tuesday and Wednesday between 10am and 3pm. This is when most people are at their computers, except in the UK, where there is no personal email at work.

If you have a newsletter with some good articles do not put the whole article in the email. Make sure there is a continue tab on the bottom that will take them to your website or wherever you want them to go. Always have links in there to try to get them to go to your site, nothing tricky though, only on things like continuation of stories or on images so they can get a better look.

Your subject line should only have about 30 to 40 characters and have a specific benefit to your reader and let them know what it is about. Make sure there is a reason for them to go into the email, like instead of a subject line of “Monthly Newsletter” say something like “3 Critical tips to Saving Money”.

Have a “Forward to a Friend” option somewhere. You want to make it easy for these people to share whatever information you have.

Always make sure you share some good information in your emails. What information will benefit your customers the most? If you invest in your relationship by sharing this kind of information, your customers invest in helping you too. Don’t just send out an email with promotional coupons, give some good information or tips in there and then give the promotion at the end.

Here are some tips for creating some body content:
• What are the top five questions your customers ask?
• What articles have you read recently and found interesting?
• Who were the most interesting customers you helped in the last six months?
• What made them interesting?
• What problems do you foresee your customers encountering this year?
• What will you be doing to solve these problems?
• What information would your customers value that would also help them view you as an expert?
• Does your content provide information the recipient will find valuable?
• Is it engaging?
• Does it add to your brand and reputation?
• Do the images support and/or enhance your offer?
• Are they the appropriate size?
• Will the reader be overwhelmed by the number of images?
• Is there enough white space between images?
• Are larger images below the fold?
• Make sure there is some kind of call to action. A promo, a offer to sign up for something, etc.

Hopefully some of this will help out. There is a lot of opportunity out there in email marketing and being able to target your customers. What is great about email marketing is that it makes it very easy to pass on your information to other people so easily. Just make sure you are not spamming and over sending emails to these people, it will just upset them.

Art of War qoute of the day

"An army may march great distances without distress, if it marches through country where the enemy is not."

A good company can find areas of the market that exist that competitors have overlooked and that are viable. This usually is more geared to smaller competitors in a market. If you are a large strong competitor (army) you could probably go wherever you want and eliminate whoever is in your way, but smaller companies must march "through country where the enemy is not". This is all about niche marketing, finding those smaller markets others companies have overlooked where you can thrive and act without distress.

Art of War qoute of the day

"The quality of decision is like the well-timed swoop of a falcon which enables it to strike and destroy its victim."

Many times it is not the strategy itself that is most important, but the timing of when we execute the strategy. There are constant trends around us that shape our market and consumers, and if you understand these trends and the timing of them you can take a decent if not poor strategy and make it successful. Strike when the Iron is hot. I mean, how stupid is that Snuggie product but it sold well because it was executed at a good time, when we are in a recession and people are looking for cheap presents and unique things. Good for them.

Art of War quote of the day

"There are not more than five primary colors (blue, yellow, red, white, and black), yet in combination they produce more hues than can ever be seen."

This reminds me of how important it is to remember the basics in Marketing. A lot of times we get too mixed up in all these new strategies and cool new books that tell us how do execute and create crazy marketing campaigns that do work, but it is essential to have the basics down pat. It is from these basics (such as the 4 Ps, 5 Cs, SWOT, etc) that we are able to create the marketing strategies that will help us find success.

Walmart and the Hispnic Market? That was my research...

During my first year of my MBA program I was part of a field study team taking part in a assignment from Sam’s Club to look into the Hispanic Market. Sam’s Club was planning on and looking into creating a Hispanic Sam’s club stores to cater to this growing market here in the US. It was a great project and my team was really happy to take part in it. Over the next 4 months we did extensive research that included tracking trends of the Hispanic Population and markets as well as personal interviews with many Hispanic store owners.

With all this information collected we presented our findings in Bentonville, AK to the Corporate Members of Sam’s Club along with a few Corporate Members of Wal-Mart. They loved the presentation but since then we had not really seen Sam’s Club making any moves on all the research we did, until now:

Walmart opens Hispanic market

Am I saying that this was all the work of my team? No, I am not, but what I am saying is that they had to have used some of the research we had done for Sam’s Club. It was a very extensive report with lots of research on the Hispanic Population as well as on how smaller Hispanic Stores operated and how they would do so on a bigger scale. Maybe they did not use our exact research in this endeavor, but I am sure they used it to steer them in the right direction to get the information they need.

What is funny is that the two areas we recommended, Houston and Los Angeles (due to our research and supply of Hispanic products), were almost the exact areas they put stores in (Houston and Phoenix, I can understand Phoenix instead of LA because of the difficulty Wal-Mart has had going into California and Phoenix is really close to LA).

Once again I am not saying that this came directly from our research and we are somehow the masterminds behind this project and we deserve money. I am almost positive though that some of the research we did directly helped in this initiative. I just thought it was pretty cool to see some of the research work I did back in school actually have an effect on the company. Many times I have done field studies in College only for the company to ignore what we suggested and just move on. It is nice to see some of my hard studies actually get used in the real world.

Art of War quote of the day

"In respect of military method, we have, firstly, Measurement; secondly, Estimation of quantity; thirdly, Calculation; fourthly, Balancing of chances; fifthly, Victory."

1st: Measurement: Is this product even strong enough to go to market(battle) with?
2nd: Estimation of quantity: Before we send this product into market to have have the budget to make sure it has a chance to succeed?
3rd: Calculation: Is there room in the market? Who are the competitors? What makes our product unique that will cause it to succeed? Is there a customer base for it? Are their collaborators we can line up with to help us?
4th: Balancing of chances: What is our chance to succeed looking at the market at competition? What is our chance in defeating the competition or carving out a niche that will allow this product to be successful?
5th: Victory

Art of War quote of the day

"Thus it is that in war the victorious strategist only seeks battle after the victory has been won, whereas he who is destined to defeat first fights and afterward looks for victory."

Pretty much this is just a really cool way of saying don't pick a fight you aren't going to win. The really smart strategist enters a fight after already knowing he can and will win, and a idiot will first pick a fight and then look to see if he can win. Don't let your business go into a market without first doing your due diligence and researching (5 Cs: Company, Competition, Context, Collaborators, Customers) to understand if this is a fight you can and will win before you enter into it. There is no use just jumping into a market without having a clue if it is a winnable arena.

Art of War quote of the day

"The good fighters of old first put themselves beyond the possibility of defeat, and then waited for an opportunity of defeating the enemy."

Many times companies simply think they are good at something and then throw it into the market against stronger competition. A company who I have worked for had been through a bankruptcy for this reason. They had their core products that did well for them and against competition, but then they created products that they believed were strong and decided to throw them into the market. What the company did not look at was the fact that the competitors were stronger and better situated, and the market had no desire for additional products, so when they went into the market they got destroyed. Was the product horrible? No, it was not, but the competition had not given them an opportunity, and neither had the market environment. They decided to just jump in because they believed they had a good product. Competitive and market environment intelligence are essential, and if you do not understand or have the information you need it doesn't matter how good your product is. If your competitors are too strong your product is just white noise. If the market isn't open to any new products you are setting yourself up for failure.

Bravo EA Sports

Like many who play video games I have been keeping my eye on the E3 Conference currently going on in Los Angeles. Some great video games and technologies have been announced and I am excited by the products that are coming out in the future. Not only am I interested in E3 because I am a gamer but also because E3 is a huge marketing show to try to get new products out there and in the minds of gamers so they can’t wait till the product comes out.

I have seen a lot of marketing through demos and booths and conferences trying to get people to fall in love with their products. There was one marketing tactic I saw thought that I thought was incredible and it even suckered me in as well.
EA Sports is releasing NCAA Football 10 in July like it does every year. Like a lot of people I will wait around and not buy it when it first comes out because most sports games are like brand new cars, they lose their value VERY quickly. Many people will sell theirs a few months later for much less on Craigslist and if you don’t mind missing a few of the new features in 10, which year to year usually are not too awesome or necessary, NCAA Football 09 will cost about 30% of its original price the day NCAA Football 10 comes out. If you look in the $5 bin at most video game stores it is full of older versions of sports games.

I am sure this is a problem seeing a lot of people wait and just buy second hand copies of the games, but EA Sports did a great job addressing it this year. They announced during E3 that right now you can go online and create your own team to play in the game. It is incredible, everything from the jerseys, to location, to stadium and even the players are fair game. Some games have this option, but you have to wait till the game comes out and you get your hands on it to re-create your high school team.

The feature itself is pretty cool, but the smartest aspect of this is that they released it early on line so you can create your team now. Thousands of people (I heard as of today there are 20,000 teams currently created) are going online and creating teams, and can’t wait to play with them. Because of this the day NCAA Football 10 comes out thousands will rush to the store and buy the game that usually would not because they can’t wait to play with the team they created on line a month ago. This is genius. You give people something for free to mess with, and then sell them on the next necessary part of the final product that they need to complete it.

If EA Sports had just added this create a team feature in the game it would have been cool, but not something many would go out and buy the game for the first day. They probably would have been like me and just waited a few months for a second hand copy to show up on Craigslist and grab that, but now that thousands of people, including me, have these created teams sitting online just begging to be played with we are going to go out and buy the game the day it comes out because I have been waiting months to play with the Las Plumas Thunderbirds of Oroville, CA. Bravo EA Sports.

Art of War Quote of the day

"Hence to fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting."

Its like I always say, fighting sucks. Even if you win the other person is probably going to get a hit on you, probably on your nose and it is going to hurt.

The best way your business can operate is if you can flex your muscle against your competitor so they don't even attempt to attack you in a certain area. The best victories are won without firing a shot or spending tons of many fending off a competitor threat. If you can build your barriers high enough against your competitors they won't even attempt to attack you. At Harrah's we had built the World Series of Poker so well do you think any other Casino is going to try to challenge us without the backing of ESPN? They did a good job creating this supreme excellence and breaking the enemy's resistance without any fighting. Of course this is easier said than done, but once you have those barriers built it is worth it.

Art of War Quote of the day

"The proximity of an army causes prices to go up, and high prices cause the people's substance to be drained away."

When I was a manager at Wal-mart this is one of the things that really upset me. I was in Reno, NV and for some reason Wal-Mart thought they needed around 6 Super Centers in this city. A fire will stop when it has nothing else to burn. Wal-Mart seemed like a indestructible roaring fire that could not be stopped, but when all these stores got put near each other there was nothing to burn, and the fire went out. This was when Wal-Mart really struggled a few years ago because they put in too many stores too close to each other. The proximity was to close, and the substance (customers) got drained away. The company cannibalized itself, and they say the mistake and started to stop building stores and focused on the ones they have. Sometimes you can have too much of a good thing, especially if you start stealing resources from yourself.

Art of War Quote of the day

"There is no instance of a country having benefited from prolonged war"


There is a time when you need to realize it is not going to work out and you need to stop. Pride is a dangerous thing. Granted, you might win if you stick it out, but by the time you finally win you have put in so many resources that it is not that big of a victory, or any victory at all. It is called a sunk cost for a reason.

Does any MBA act like this anymore?

Looks like this joke is outdated seeing now most of us are just thankful to have jobs rather than thinking we are in charge.

We are to blame....

Putting lipstick on the pig

I have used the statement "putting lipstick on the pig" many times in my Marketing career. The reason is that I have marketed products I don't fully understand. At Harrah's I marketed gambling, and I don't gamble and don't really understand how to do it. At Cisco I marketed networking technology, and I don't know much how a server works. Today I market liquid fertilizers and waste water management tools, and there is so much chemistry and biology involved as well as farming knowledge that I do not understand. I don't know how to raise the pig, I don't know how to turn the pig into delicious bacon, but I know how to stick lipstick on it and make it attractive.

All this has made me think how important it is to understand your customers. The 4 P's are product, price, place and promotion and the 5 C's are customer, company, competition, context and collaboration, but are any of those really worth anything without knowing the customer?

Today I work for a company with a great proprietary technology that can do all kinds of great things for a farmer or waste water technician. The challenge is now which of these things does the customer care about? What color of lipstick does these customer like? Which color will they ignore? You can have the greatest product ever but if you don't know your customers and what they want you are just spewing white noise.

So this is the challenge, knowing exactly what your customers want, and what attributes of your product they care about. I feel too many times we get so hung up about specific attributes of our products and how cool they are we just assume the customer wants them and so we are going to market those. The customers might not give a care about these things, so your marketing falls on its face and fails.

Granted, there are companies out there who say the customers have no idea what they want so you have to give it to them, like Apple and the iPod. Sure, the customer might not have been able to fathom that a device could come along and do what the iPod does, so they might not ask for it, but you still need to understand the customer likes music. You might have some other makeup besides lipstick to stick on the pig that the customer could not understand but would like, but you still need to understand from the customer that they like makeup on the pig.

Assuming that the customer wants what we think is cool is a mistake. You need to understand who your customer is and what they want or you are going to throw a ugly looking pig in front of the customer that they want nothing to do with even though that pig could give them everything they need.